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Strange Travel Quotes and Observations

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE DESTINATION... ITS ABOUT THE JOURNEY...

"Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane". --Jim Gaffigan

"The cool thing about being famous is travelling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff". --Britney Spears

"There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home". --Stephen Colbert

"It's hard man 'cause the security in the airport, customs, immigration, they really need to learn the difference between a terrorist and an Indian. Terrorists hate Americans. Indians hate each other. A terrorist will blow up an airport. Indians like to work at the airport. That would be counter-productive". --Russell Peters

"People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and go to the toilet and you're home". --Louis C.K.

"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?" --George Carlin

"Never get behind old people. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left. Bingo, Asians. They pack light, travel efficiently, and they have a thing for slip-on shoes. Gotta love 'em". -- George Clooney, from the movie Up in the Air

"My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport". --Dennis Miller

"Some black people want to get in touch with their African roots. But then you got some black people that just don't give a damn. You tell them, 'Hey, I just got back from the motherland.' "They're like, 'Where'd you go - Detroit?'" --Wanda Sykes

"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo". --Al Gore

"You want to know what its like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over". --Lewis Black

"When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like 'What do I do... I don't really... ha-huh...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of time!" --Dane Cook

"You can't walk down here at all. It can't be a short cut because you get stopped every few seconds". [moves aside to let an elderly woman pass] "See? I bet she left the house when she was 10!" --Karl Pilkington

"People come back from flights and tell you a story like it's a horror story. They act like their flight was like a cattle car in the 1940s in Germany. That's how bad they make it sound. They're like, 'It was the worst day of my life. We didn't board for 20 minutes and they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes'. Oh really? What happened next? Did you fly in the air, incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight you non-contributing zero?'" --Louis C.K.

"Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know... because after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful". --Lewis Black

"Airline food is the tiniest food I've ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get - chicken, steak, anything- has grill marks on each side, like somehow we'll actually believe there's an open-flame grill in the front of the plane". --Ellen DeGeneres

"The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live". --Adam Carolla, from "In Fifty Years we'll All Be Chicks"

"The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognise you as a tourist. --Russell Baker

"I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
--Mark Twain

"Two great talkers will not travel far together". --Spanish Proverb

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance". --Alton Brown

"Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything". --Charles Kuralt

"When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money". --Susan Heller

"The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it". --Rudyard Kipling

"Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversations". --Elizabeth Drew

"People don't take trips... trips take people". --John Steinbeck

"Our happiest moments as tourists always seem to come when we stumble upon one thing while in pursuit of something else". --Lawrence Block

"Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane". --Jim Gaffigan

"Kilometres are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometres". --George Carlin

"Travel becomes a strategy for accumulating photographs". --Susan Sontag

"Adventure, yeah. I guess that's what you call it when everybody comes back alive". --Mercedes Lackey

"There's only four ways to get unravelled; One is to sleep and the other is travel". --Jim Morrison

"A good holiday is one that is spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours". --J.B. Priestley

"Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror". --Al Boliska

"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo". --Al Gore

"Travel is only glamorous in retrospect". --Paul Theroux

"People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home". --Dagobert D. Runes

"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?" --George Carlin

"You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, you weren't nauseated by the food. So you are grateful". --Paul Theroux

"Travel' is the name of a modern disease which became rampant in themid-fifties and is still spreading. The disease - its scientific name is travelitis furiosus - is carried by a germ called prosperity". --George Mikes

"When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable". --Clifton Fadiman

"Travelling is like flirting with life. It's like saying, 'I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is my station". --Lisa St. Aubin de Teran

"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey". --Fitzhugh Mullan

"A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car". --Emile Ganest

"There is nothing safer than flying - it's crashing that is dangerous". --Theo Cowan

"Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go". --Truman Capote

"It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport". --Douglas Adams

"If you've seen one redwood tree, you've seen them all". --Ronald Reagan

"You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over". --Lewis Black

"My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport. --Dennis Miller

"Don't worry about the world ending today, it's already tomorrow in Australia". --Charles M. Schulz
 






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