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"Mothers" Dictionary

MOTHER'S DICTIONARY

Amnesia:
Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again

Bottle Feeding:
An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am, too

Defense:
What you'd better have aroun de yard if you're going to let de children play outside

Drooling:
How teething babies wash their chins

Dumbwaiter:
One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert

Family Planning:
The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback:
The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots

Full Name:
What you call your child when you're mad at him

Grandparents:
The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right

Hearsay:
What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word

Impregnable:
A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid

Independent:
How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say

Look Out!:
What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it

Prenatal:
When your life was still somewhat your own

Prepared Childbirth:
A contradiction in terms

Puddle:
A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it

Show Off:
A child who is more talented than yours

Sterilize:
What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it

Storeroom:
The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything

Temper Tantrums:
What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children

Thunderstorm:
A chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed

Top Bunk:
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies

Two-Minute Warning:
When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises

Verbal:
Able to whine in words

Weaker Sex:
The kind you have after the kids have worn you out

Whodunit:
None of the kids that live in your house

Whoops:
An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge"
 






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